♥ Happy New Year ♥ - That's Hot in Second Life

Looking for something?

31 Dec 2018

♥ Happy New Year ♥
Better quality picture on Flickr

♪ But nothing is better sometimes
Once we've both said our goodbyes
Let's just let it go
Let me let you go 

As every year when we're closing in on the finishline, most people sit down and look back on the year that has went, and look forward to the year that is coming. Planning and plotting for a better year, a better life. New year is often a savior to some, those who had a really shitty year, they find strength in starting over, like a new year will make everything better. Well, you never know, and you can always hope. I'm no different than others. I've been thinking a lot, so much that I think it has given me a migraine. I've been asking myself what I want to do with my 2019, because every year I've said to myself "this year I'm going to do what is best for me", and you know what? I fail every year. So what is the point? 

Most people who knows me well and has known me a long time, knows that I am the queen of bad decisions. My decisions are often based on my fears and worries, because that is just a part of suffering from anxiety I suppose. But I'm so sick of it being this way. For every decision I've made, I've lost a little piece of myself. A couple of years ago I made a huge decision, that I thought would fix EVERYTHING, that it would get my life back to where I wanted it to be. But what I didn't realize, was that my life was already headed in that direction, something I was doing on my own, I just wasn't patient enough to let it take the time it needed, so I rushed into something that I thought was the best decision at the time. For me. For us. But it wasn't.

I've become like a mini-version of myself. I don't do the things I love, because I'm not comfortable doing them, not even in my own home. I don't sing along to songs when I'm not alone, like I used to. I don't even play my own music out loud, unless I'm alone. I don't laugh as much as I used to, I cry more than I used to. I don't clean the house like I used to, I don't have energy to do anything that I used to do. I don't go to bed happy, and I don't wake up happy. It doesn't mean that I don't have happiness in my life, because I do, I got lots of it. 

In August I started a new study, and I made the decision to take the education a bit far from my hometown, because it would force me to be more social. Something I've always wanted to be. But again, I wasn't thinking. It's not even two years ago that I couldn't take the 20 minutes bustrip down to the center of my city, without having a panic-attack and thinking I would die, or cry because it just got way too crowded, and I was imagining all the people in the bus thinking about how ugly and fat I was. So starting a study, where I have to travel 2 hours with the bus every morning and afternoon.... smart thinking Rina! NO! It has totally exhausted me, I would almost say destroyed me. I'm no good, I forget everything, I fall asleep on the most random hours of the day in the most random places, doesn't matter if I'm in a crowded room or not. And it's not because I don't get enough sleep, cause I've been trying my best to get my sleep even though I had to get up 4.30 am every morning. But it's also the fact of being away from home a minimum of 12 hours, and seeing my kids so much less than I normally do. I feel like I'm drifting away from them, from myself. Then I started the internship, more hours, more people, more demands. I loved it at first, but I started falling asleep every time I sat down, even in the class with 20 screaming kids. I slept in the bus, I slept when I got home, and I slept the second the kids were in bed. I felt like a zombie. So I've decided to take a sick leave, and try to figure out how to move my study closer to where I live. 

So for 2019, I'm going to reverse my stupid decisions, I'm going back to working on getting ME back, and the life I want. I don't need anyone to help me doing that, I was doing it just fine on my own, and bringing someone else into it was a bad decision, especially if that someone is wrong for you. Besides, I have some frigging awesome friends, who got my back in thick and thin, and I know I can always count on them to lift me up when I'm falling down. I'm blessed to have such amazing friends. But most of all I'm blessed to have two amazing children, who made me realize that even though I base most decision on their happiness, it doesn't really matter when their mom isn't happy with those decisions. 

Cheers to a new year, new goals, better decisions, more laughter, less tears and great friends and family 

I hope you will all have a good one, and I wish you happiness and good fortune

Hair :
Sintiklia - Hair Eliza
@ Tres Chic

Head :
LeLutka Bento Head-CHLOE - New Update

Skin :
*YS&YSSey&Mey Skin Applier for Lelutka -  Powder Pack - March 2017

Top :
Tres Blah - Slumber Party Tank (Lara) - Grey (Gacha)

Pants and legwarmers :
[Cynful] A Girl's Thing Jeggings Set 

Rina Edenflower